One For The Books

Every so often, I’ll have a dream so downright bizarre or otherwise memorable that I feel compelled to share it. This morning was one of those occasions.

I dreamt I was Santa Claus.

I dreamt I was freaking Santa Claus. The only thing I can think of that put the bug in my ear in the first place? Sam Byck. We rehearsed Another National Anthem last night, which included my shouting “You know why I did it? Because there IS no Santa Claus!” half a dozen times. I’ll also be wearing a Santa Suit in the show, whenever our costumer tracks one down.

In the spirit of The Santa Clause, I was still me, just in the suit and expected to carry out Saint Nick’s duties. The sleigh looked like a giant armoire (brown, not red, go figure), with room for the sack, and reins hanging over the lip in front o’ me. I don’t actually recall seeing any reindeer, I was more focused on the sleigh, itself. And the sack. And the fact that I was freaking Santa Claus.

I got to the first house on the run, and it was Christmas Eve during the day. I gave myself too much time to cover the entire world, and was worried I’d end up late… Whattya want? It made sense at the time.

So there I am, in some stranger’s house, taking parcel after parcel out of a sack that never gets empty, when the man of the house shows up behind me. He’s totally cool with it. “Ah, you’re the new Santa,” or something to that effect. I shrug, and nod. I keep unloading toys. Weird.

On the second and third house, I actually run into some kids. They also believe implicitly that I’m Santa, despite the fact that A) I’m still only 25, B), I’m not fat, and C) Nary a hair on my chinny chin chin. They’re cool with it. “Hi, Santa.”

I keep making runs back to the North Pole, although I can’t imagine why; what with the magic sack. The place looks like a ski-lodge. Big log cabins, whatnot.

And the other thing? I’m scared of heights. I hate ‘em. But when I was in the Sleigh, riding high across the clouds, I was perfectly fine. Wacky.

I don’t know what to make of it. I really don’t. But it was loads of fun anyway.