Money. Just Money.

Have I mentioned… that I don’t like money. I do not like it. I do not like not having enough of it. I hate how it slips through my damn fingers like wet ice cubes. It’s ridiculous.

It’s not the money’s fault. Far from it. I’m just crap for budgeting, and as a result… it disappears. And I hate that.

I’ve told myself in the past that my financial issues would be better if I made more money. I don’t really think that’s true. If I made more, I’d just spend more. Out the window it goes. I’ve managed to save up a dollar here and there, just in time for ridiculously expensive car repairs to suck it out of my account. I hate money. And the lack of it.

Kaplahr. I wouldn’t classify myself as a shopaholic. But for the life of me, I just cannot hold onto the goddamn money. At all. The trouble is, I *like* spending it. I like going out, seeing something I desire, and acquiring the crap out of it. A book. A movie. I can’t afford to get anything nicer or more extravagant than that. It becomes mine, and part of my collection, and there it is. There it is. I *hate* money. The fact of the matter is, I could be rolling in it, hand over fist (however the hell that expression came to be), and I’d still be crap for money. It would still disappear, just in bigger amounts, or it would just take longer. It’s ri-goddamn-diculous.

A teacher of mine in college tried to teach my class about saving money one day. He convinced us to take the seemingly trivial act of taking $3 a day, and putting it away somewhere. Just 3 measly dollars. I did it for a month, and hey, whattya know, I had $90. I’d stopped buying magazines, which was one of his nuggets of advice. I don’t miss ‘em. But like a Chinese water clock, once enough volume had amassed, it just spilled out. It was called Christmas. Oy. Good habits are flimsy habits, and far too easy to break. But we can start over…

And that’s the thing: I can put that money aside and supposedly never spend it. And if you can legitimately answer this question, I’ll be grateful forever:

If I *never* spend it, and just keep putting away dollar after dollar, than what the HELL is the good of holding on to it? I don’t mean saving up for my future kids’ college tuition, I don’t mean saving up for vacation or whatever, I’m talking about that mystery money that I’m never, never supposed to touch. This somehow shows ‘respect’ for the money. Illuminate me. Please point out how ignoring it is supposed to show respect for it. Kaplahr.

I recognize that certain things are beyond my comprehension. My mind is finite, and so is my understanding of the world around me. Things like the inner workings of the female mind, for instance, remain a vague mystery. So for the record, allow me to state that in regards to money in general: I don’t get it.

I know this because if I *did* have a knack for its finer points, I would arguably have more of it. At which point, I could continue to do nothing with it. Ugh.

Regardless. Despite my lack of any idea of what to do with it, I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. I’m too young to be giving up permanently on anything with positive potential. So here’s my $3 for today. Let’s see how long this’ll last. Don’t go holding your breath.