Cartoon Penguin Waiter Army

I suppose it’s a good thing that those Penguin Waiters from Mary Poppins aren’t real
For if they were
I could take over the world
Me and my Cartoon Penguin Waiter Army
No longer content to animatedly serve up British delights to immortal pretty women
And their goofy but loveable chums with fake British accents who try to horn in on their Penguin schtick! As if stretching one’s pants until the crotch goes down to the ankles really makes one a Cartoon Penguin Waiter
Not hardly
You also need a bow tie… which he had but you also have to be very short and animated and have little beady eyes and that useless hand towel draped over one of your black flippers
But I’m off on a tangent
Me and my Cartoon Penguin Waiter Army
I would ask those Penguin Waiters to recruit their Penguin Friends
Penguin Butlers Penguin Maids Penguin Vallee’s Penguin Chefs! Ha ha!
And all the Cartoon Penguin employees in the world would rise up with their beady little eyes and look of disdain on their beaks
And you couldn’t do it with real Penguins, no
Real Penguins couldn’t take the heat of the non-arctic climates
But Cartoon Penguins? They can go ANYWHERE
Waddling the waddle of a Penguin Army that’s right pissed off and
They’re not gonna take it anymore!
No one could stop them, not this Cartoon Penguin Army. Why?
Because you can’t hurt a cartoon animal
Except with Dip but the last tank of that stuff was hit by a Cartoon Train
And run out of town. So, dodged that bullet.
They wouldn’t need weapons, although I would issue cute cartoon green helmets for my troops
No these penguins would walk right up to you, jump up in the air for two seconds and
Pip pip pip
Slap you in the face! As only a Cartoon Penguin Waiter can.
And there’s only so much face slapping a nation will take before they bow down before the only man who knows how to call off
The Face-Slapping Cartoon Penguin Waiter Army
Me!
Make them stop, the nations’ leaders would beg, between the consecutive
Pip pip pips Slaps in the face.
And I’d say sure but first I need one hundred million dollars from all the countries that can afford it and then we’ll talk.
Pip pip pip.
And once the world was secured in my unquestioned control, I’d say
Hey, Cartoon Penguin Fellas. Have some sardines. Give your flippers a rest.
And my Cartoon Penguin Army would unanimously nod their heads at the great idea, go off, have some cartoon sardines, and get back to work as Cartoon Penguin servants.
It’s just a good thing for the world that that can never happen. It’s all I’m saying. It’s just a good thing.