A Malleable Soul

What kind of person are you? The short answer could be anything for a three-word sentence to a brief paragraph listing your attributes, your job, or your goals in life.

The long answer… not nearly so simple. Fact of the matter is, none of us are the same person, 24/7. Ain’t the case. We have different faces and moods for the various situations, social and otherwise; we come across daily. Sometimes (hopefully only sometimes), any one of those will bear almost no resemblance to another one in that same arena.

It’s 2:40 in the morning, right now. I can’t sleep because a) I woke up at an obscenely late hour today, b) there’s been an extra dollop or two of things on my mind of late, or c) I’m too bored to shut my eyes. All three apply, but feel free to take your pick and run with it. In any case; I get extra-thoughtful when the eyes aren’t shut this late, so accept the coffers of my late-night notions, or don’t.

It amazes me that we’re so… flexible, as human beings. The ‘hats’ we wear from one part of the day to the next really are completely different. Take me for example: At work, I barely say two words. I keep to myself (with a few exceptions), and that’s it. I get to rehearsal and it’s a completely different story. Good luck getting me to shut up.

It also varies depending on specifically who I’m around. There will always be that handful of people around whom I’m a deer caught in headlights. I have no idea what to say to them (most of ‘em are women, the rest are role models), and will just do my best not to sound like a moron and/or psychopath while in their company. Based on their expressions, I’m doing an okay job with that.

Being an actor… doesn’t help. Somewhere along the line I got better at slipping off my sense of self and into someone else’s skin for a few hours that after time passed; I forgot the real me. Not on a nightly basis, I mean almost in general. There was a time that I didn’t really know who the hell I was, but for the things I did. I was someone that cracked jokes, was shy around girls, and wasn’t that eager to talk about himself.

This much has changed: I still crack jokes, I’m certainly not shy around women, and (as I’ve been told by intelligent observers) I have difficulty in STOPPING talking about myself. [Once again, I give free license to whoever reads this; to verbally smack me one if I get carried away on the topic of yours truly. I’m an actor. It happens.] I also feel I have a much better idea of who I am. I’m Casey Jones.

Another setback to being in showbiz is that it does a phenomenal job of reinforcing negative behavior. Namely… showing off for attention’s sake. Making a show of trying to be witty, or funny, or entertaining. Being ‘on’ all the time isn’t good for anyone, to be or to watch. I learned that one the hard way. But being around my theatrical peers, I still feel and hear that instinct, that impulse. Some evenings it can be damn hard to ignore.

Then there are those who with little to no effort, remain constant. They *are* the same person regardless of the situation or the company. I think my brother is one of those people. My friend Leta is another. I can think of others. People that don’t worry or don’t need to think about who they are, they just know and they’re just themselves.

It’s not that I do worry about it… not anymore, anyway. But it does occasionally cross my mind. Maybe it’s an actor thing. Maybe it’s the reading too much into things. Maybe it’s just the fruit of an overactive imagination.

So I put it to you, from someone with too much thinking going on: Who are you, and when are you that person? How different are you from the person you are waiting in line at a coffee shop to the person you are around… co-workers? Around a boyfriend or girlfriend, a wife or a husband, a dear friend or a barely-forged acquaintance? I don’t know.

But I’d sure like to.