They Occupy Us

I was up fairly late last night, with a few things on my mind. (I wasn't the only one.)

This is nothing new. This is completely nothing new. For myself, thoughts ran towards the latest panic attacks; which happened to coincide with performances. Michael (with whom I shared some cigars last night) pointed out that on at least two of those occasions, we'd heard beforehand that the house was sold out. I hadn't noticed that. Not consciously, anyway.

With one exception, every attack in the last few months has been right before a rehearsal, or an actual show. To which I have to say; Stage Fright? Are you freaking kidding me?

I have never been afraid to go onstage. I live for opportunities to get up before large crowds. It's what I do. Regardless, Saturday night I was terrified. I just wanted to get the hell out on general principle.

It may be time to... talk to someone. A psychologist. Talking has always helped allay these things in the past, over time; I just thought I could sort through it on my own, for once. All evidence to the contrary.

Damn.

Well, it beats the alternative; namely having these things recur on me, without warning, at really inopportune times. The novelty on that experience wore off, real quick.

So what do you say we move on?