Are You Now, Or Have You Ever Been A Death-Eater?

Just got finished reading Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince. It was very good, and rest assured that this blog entry will hold no spoilers, although I can’t make the same promise for future entries… but I’ll at least give you a week or two to be perfectly fair.

Nevertheless: I am not betraying any secrets of the book (or at least, this latest one) by voicing my complaint about the series up ‘til now. Okay, here we go: There has been a fair amount of trouble over the Death-Eaters, a fairly small band of Voldemort Supporters who do his dirty-work when they’re not rotting in Azkaban.

My problem is not with their devotion to the big jerk; nor is it with the in-fighting of the group, the jealous squabbles, or the like. My problem is with the rest of Wizarding World’s ineptitude at being able to locate them.

The Death-Eaters are supposed to have secret identities. Fine. Super-Villains do the same all the time. It prevents them from getting in trouble when they’re not up to nefarious no-good deeds. Those Super-Villains, however, are not *stupid* enough to tattoo their fore-arms with a calling card the size of a Business-Sized Envelope. The thing is huge, and a grotesque emblem of a skull eating a venomous snake.

No-one who is not a Death-Eater would dare sport the mark, nor have we seen *any* sign that the Death-Eaters can do anything to conceal it, short of wearing a long-sleeve shirt. Tattoos are supposed to be permanent, and I imagine that the sigil of the most evil wizard in the history of the fictional world would be doubly so.

Now, I imagine the witch-hunt (no pun intended) involved to track them down if they weren’t wearing the tattoos on their arm, but honestly. The following is provided courtesy of Hugh Grant playing both roles:

Inquisitor: “Er, um, pardon me, but would you mind telling me: Are you now, or have you ever been a, um, forgive the impertinence of course, a, ah… Death-Eater, as it were?”
Suspected DE: “Ahaha. Er, sorry?”
I: “A Death-Eater. A secret supporter of ‘You Know Who’.”
SDE: “I’m sorry. I-I don’t understand the, er, reference.”
I: “Of course. Perhaps ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ would ring a larger, um, bell.”
SDE: “Hmm… I’m afraid not, no. Don’t have the, er, foggiest to whom you are referring.”
I: “Erm, ah, well. The, ah, Darkest, Vilest, Most-Evil Wizard our community has ever known. Him.”
SDE: “Oh!”
I: “Yes.”
SDE: “I see.”
I: “Indeed.”
(A brief, uncomfortable silence.)
I: “Well?”
SDE: “Well what?”
I: “Are you?”
SDE: “Am I?”
I: “Are you a, um… Death-Eater, by chance?”
SDE: “Oh! No, no. No. Perish the thought. Wouldn’t dream of it.”
I: “I see. Well. In that case, would you mind terribly… rolling up your sleeves?”
SDE: “… I beg your pardon?”
I: “Yes. It’s just that we need to make doubly certain, you see. And we have to take into consideration the, uh, far-fetched near-microscopic of course, possibility that you may in fact be… uh, lying.”
SDE: “I fail to see what my sleeves would have to do in any way with my being the afore-mentioned Death-Eater. One way or the other. Ehr, yes.”
I: “Of course. Well. We have it on excellent authority that the, ah, afore-mentioned followers of ‘He-Who-So-On’ would um, not only be given to *lying* about their inclusion to said club, but also be in the habit of sporting the unmistakable, that is, tattoo on their person. Yes.”
SDE: “I see. Well. You’ll forgive me, of course, but I’m, uh, not terribly well at the moment. Seem to have come down with a slight cold, actually, as it were, and I’m afraid it would not be terribly prudent at this moment to, uh, roll up my sleeves, per se. You understand of course.”
I: “Ah, indeed. Accio Sleeves.”
(Ripping noise, as the fabric flies of SDE’s arms to reveal he does, in fact sport the tattoo.)
SDE: “Bugger.”

Problem solved! There you go! Bam! Bam! Simple!

And any of you reading the above, not understanding the ‘Accio Sleeves’ segment may as well have skipped the entire article. Should this be the case, rest assured that subsequent entries will likely have less to do with the J.K. Rowling books and more to do with my job, acting career, love life, and so on.

Right. Carry on!