Mental Flotsam, Mental Jetsam

Because the only thing that beats going crazy is going crazy with somebody else

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Love & Circumstance

I recently found out that two good friends of mine, a couple; have broken up. It wasn't over any fight, infidelity or strong disagreement. Simply put, their lives are taking separate paths. One person wishes to leave New York, the other wants to stay. It's as gentle and (for lack of a better word) friendy a break-up as I've ever heard of.

Never the less: Shit.

I find myself thinking about what they're going through. What they're feeling. I've been in remarkably similar circumstances, myself. It was college, and we were very much in love. I was graduating, she had a few years left; and she didn't want me to stay bound to a college town when my life was leading me elsewhere. Also an agreeable, 'friendly' break-up. It hurt like hell.

So, ultimately, what's more important? What we do in life, or who we do it with? The couple in question was one of the happiest I've ever seen, or been lucky enough to know. It didn't stop them from wisely acknowledging that happy as their love life was, career-wise the situation was unfulfilling.

I don't know. I'll be the first to get on a soapbox and proclaim that what you do, your passion in life, is important. Your happiness is dependant on it. Across the street is another soapbox I'll happily mount to shout that a life enhanced by a successful career can seem quite empty without the right person to share it with.

It was hard enough leaving Maryland and loved ones behind to come up to New York. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would have been if I'd been romantically involved with someone at the time; someone that didn't also have plans in the Big Apple.

People choose. Beyond the present and a span of a few years, people choose. They choose their career and throw themselves wholly into its pursuit, its achievment. Do they become successful? Do they harbor regret?

Others choose love, and eventually family. Do they feel the seemingly unanswerable call to do other things?

How lucky they must be that find both. A partner one can share their heart with; and pursue parallel or at least non-opposing dreams. I count my brother as one of the lucky ones. He has a family, he has a career; and the career of his wife, Maggie, in no way opposes his own and vice-versa.

An ex of mine married a man in a profession very similar to her own. So much so that they have been able to even travel and find meaningful work together. Damned lucky.

Learning about my good friends has set my brain bubbling. Re-evaluating. Now I'm here: Beginning something with a girl whose career ambitions in no way resemble my own. I'm keen to see where this goes.

If you're reading this, I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts on the matter. Anyone? Thoughts? Comments? Theories and philosophies?

More to follow.



  • At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Samm said…

    Life has an interesting way of pulling and tugging at you, and what I've come to believe is this: Make the decision that allows you stays true to who you are. You couldn't stay with me because that was not your path. You chose to stay true to yourself and your ambitions and it was the right choice. We have since gone separate ways, found our own paths. However, we needed each other at that stage of our lives and I feel we are better people because of that time together.

    I'm beginning to ramble. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Sometimes they stay, sometimes they don't, and others will occasionally pop in to see how things are going... ahem. Some people aren't there to stay forever, no matter how deep the love is. Trying to not sound too "spiritual" every person that comes into your life has a small lesson to teach you. When the lesson is learned, it very well may be time to move in other directions. Then, there are people who stay the duration of your life. They have a great deal of wisdom and knowledge to pass on.

    During all the comings and goings, though, stay true to yourself.

    My attempt to not ramble has gone down the hole. I'm not even sure if I really expressed what I wanted to. You know me, though, and hopefully you'll understand what I mean. Think on it Case.

  • At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Samm said…

    AND... it also depends on what you're willing to sacrifice. Sacrifice goes hand in hand with love. Maybe you take the "not as wonderful as the other" job because your significant other needs to stay in the area. Or maybe you take the "great" job and leave the girl behind. It's all about sacrifice and deciding which path is the right one. Balance is the key, though. (I still feel like I'm not making any damn sense.)

  • At 12:18 AM, Blogger Casey Jones said…

    Samm, as always, I get what you're saying. We were always on the same page. You are, in fact, making 'damn sense'.

    I had a feeling you still read these posts. Thanks for not disappointing.

    In any case I hope, for my two friends; that the future holds something wonderful for them both. They are (were?) one hell of a match.

  • At 11:00 PM, Blogger Connor said…

    Well Casey old friend (this is Ben by the way), as I recently realized I've always been a bit of a recluse, I'd have to say that what you do with your life is more important. Still, I know I'd be pretty durn lonely if I moved somewhere where I knew absolutely no one. Won't stop me from doing so if that's where the fates take me, but still, there it is.

  • At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Noa Rose Choose the Present said…

    In my youth I chose relationship over career and within a few years I regretted the choice. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and because it meant moving to another city, my husband at the time (notice the past tense) was againstit.
    What I've learned is the sacrifices must be equalized or the relationship loses it's balance. It's very hard for love to flourish without support and sacrifices from each person.


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