What do you do?

Much as we might like to think otherwise, some people will never entirely leave us. Old girlfriends, or boyfriends. Childhood pals. People we knew in High School. One such person is currently sticking in my subconscious like a seed caught between two molars: You can’t get rid of it, and you can’t ignore its presence.

There was a girl I knew in High School. After a lousy first impression on my part, it took a lot of time to become friends with her. Good friends. In the past, I’ve been the sort who’s relied at least partially on the opinions of others for something of a compass. I like to think I’ve grown more independent, but there were people I considered important, and their views of me equally important. It will come as no surprise to know that this girl was important.

Some friendships take more work than others to maintain. This one certainly required the most effort to establish, because frankly, I was a dork in High School. I moved to a new school my sophomore year and as a result, was a bit overzealous in making new friends. This one person… oy. I wanted to be friends with the local theatre crowd very badly, since even then I knew it was going to be my primary interest. I achieved a success for the most part, but made a flaming wreck of trying to get to know this one girl in particular.

It’s been seven years since I graduated from high school. It may not sound like a lot, but it certainly feels like it. There are exactly two people I keep in regular contact with from those days; a teacher and a dear friend who I never lost touch with in the first place. I’ve run into old classmates (and theatre cohorts) sporadically, but those conversations have been just to play catch-up and then say goodbye.

The other night, this very girl popped up in a dream of mine. I’ve wondered what she’s been up to, since she’s one of the only graduates of my class to pursue acting professionally, like myself. I haven’t seen her in person since before 9/11. And I can’t contact her. For one thing, the phone number I had for her must be long out of date now. For another, I’d no doubt seem like a stalker to just randomly pop up out of the blue after so much time has gone by, to ask how she’s doing. (Remember Fargo, anyone?) That’s the last thing either of us need.

I just… miss her. I miss a lot of the friends I made in High School and fell out of touch with. Her especially. And not knowing a thing as to what she’s up to these days is a regret I can’t fill in.

I think part of the motivation to look her up is that as of this year, no one I knew at college will be there anymore, either. Old haunts are falling so far behind me that going back now would be like wandering through a ghost town, occupied by strangers. That, I don’t need.

Any suggestions or helpful comments would be gratefully appreciated. See you on the other side.