'Brainiacs Seek New Round Table'

From the latest edition of Not-Gonna-Happen Weekly:

In the spirit of fostering lively discourse, a pair of local pretentious gits seek to further pad their own egos by surrounding themselves with kindred spirits.

Applicants interested in joining the Aught Six Round Table will be invited to candidly answer questions including the following:

“Can you wittily banter about anything and everything, including that of your chosen field for hours? Can you respond to queries with jest and wit? Can you take a joke? Can you, in fact, verbally lob ninja stars and surreptitiously plant dagger-sharp insults between the ribs of a fellow Round Tabler? Are you a smarty pants?”

In addition, a rigorous performance evaluation will be held; wherein applicants are brought various wines and cheeses that will likely be horrendous. Scores will be rated on A) the face made on first tasting, B) whether or not they can serve said cheese to others, and C) the quality of derisive comments made on the offending dairy.

Applicants wishing to bribe their way into the pair’s auspices are invited to try, although results are not guaranteed.

The duo will be in touch with any and all interested parties, regardless of results.