Mental Flotsam, Mental Jetsam

Because the only thing that beats going crazy is going crazy with somebody else

Monday, April 10, 2006

V For Vendetta: When Will People Learn?

Know ahead of time, spoilers found below. Can't say I didn't warn ya.

* * *
Folks, I've said it before, I'll say it again. You cannot go mistreatin' on Natalie Portman and expect to get away with it.

You make her cry, you're going to end up dead. It's as simple as that. Sure, the Totalitarian Regime that is the stage of V For Vendetta has its other flaws, but the fact that they contributed to Ms. Portman's tears is, in movies, the grievous offense.

Three Fingermen try to do most unsavory and unscrupulous things to her at the film's start: They're immediately attacked by a vigilante quoting Macbeth. A friend and confidante is beaten before her very eyes (here come the waterworks); the party responsible likewise receives its deadly, bullet-time comeuppance.

Even the protagonist is not immune to the Freakin' Lava rule: As part of a damned-effective ruse, he reduces Natalie's character to practically nothing through systematic interrogation, isolation, and torture. During which, of course, she weeps.

The outcome? Blown to shit. Our hero in a Guy Fawkes get-up is spectacularly reduced to smithereens by way of the Midnight Kablooie Express to Parliament. The effects of which are not unlike being cast aside a river of freaking lava.

For your own sakes, people: If you find yourself in a Natalie Portman flick, under no circumstances make the woman cry. Hmm, wait-- Tears of happiness would be okay, I think, but you're probably better off not pressing your luck.

I'm just sayin'.


  • At 3:30 PM, Blogger David Gorsline said…

    I don't recall that anyone got vaporized in Closer.

  • At 3:34 PM, Blogger Casey Jones said…

    You must have missed the Director's cut, David.

    Jude Law spontaneously combusts, learning only too late the folly of his devil-may-care ways.

    Or perhaps that was just a metaphor for what he was going through on the inside. Who can say?

  • At 8:50 AM, Blogger dirk.mancuso said…

    Maybe it's just me, but I gotta say I am not so much on the Natalie Portman bandwagon. She was awful in Closer, and god-awful in the Star Wars movies. And I shall not even recount the coma induced by that one movie where she lived in a Wal-mart.

    But I liked your post.


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