Don't Touch The Cake. No!! What Did I JUST Say?

Do you know what day it is? It’s Rutger Hauer’s birthday. He’s 62. Does he look 62? No. He looks about a decade younger n’ that. Do you know why? Because he’s Rutger Hauer.

I’ve loved watching the man work since Ladyhawke. That was the first movie of his that I saw, which firmly imprinted in the mind, “This man is a badass. This man could kill a guy and not break a sweat.” Okay, so I was five. My thoughts were probably closer to something like “I like this movie. That girl’s pretty. That skinny Ferris Bueller guy’s funny. I need to pee.” Something along those lines. Rutger Freaking Hauer!

There’s not an over-abundance of blonde-haired, blue-eyed actors in showbiz. We gotta look out for our own, ya know?

Blade Runner. Blind Fury. *groan* Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I think he can be forgiven for doing that movie, okay? Lay off him. He’ll kill you if you don’t give it a rest. I saw a guy this one time bring it up to Mr. Hauer, and he’s dead now. Seriously. Lay off.

Shit. Where was I? Ooh, right. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Sin City. Sin Freaking City. Batman Begins. All of these movies (previous paragraph included), Rutger’s roles have one thing in common: This is a man you do not mess with. It tends to end badly. Granted, it can be done, one can mess with him, it’s just not recommended. ‘Cause he’s Rutger Hauer.

Happy Birthday, sir. I’ll be going now. *walks away with spleen intact*