Here Comes The Groom, Not Any Time Soon

I recently found out that another friend of mine asked a girl to marry him. She said yes. After the initial shock wore off (I’ve known this guy for years), I heartily shook his hand and congratulated him.

And now I’m thinking.

He tipped the scale, for me. It was the case, before his mentioning his impending nuptials; that only a relative few friends of mine had gotten hitched. A friend and co-star from Theatre IV was married when we met. Another has gotten married in the last year. I attended a cousin’s wedding a little over two years ago, and now she’s expecting her first child. Two ex-girlfriends have since started families of their own. My brother got married almost an exact year ago. Two friends of mine are engaged to each other and have been for a year. And now… another good friend of mine has popped the question, ring in hand.

I suddenly can’t help but feel like a nine year old who finds himself wanting a toy he’s never played with, for the sole fact that everyone else seems to want one. Oy. Not that Marriage is a toy, or a game, or anything like it. I’m grasping for similes here, I fall back on old verbal tools when I’m nervous.

The friends of mine that have gotten married, I rarely see anymore. They’ve got their own lives enmeshed with someone else, which is fine. That’s the way it works. That’s *how* it works. And now?

I’m only 24! Twenty! Four! I haven’t given marriage a second thought in a long time, because for starters it would involve… being involved with someone. That isn’t the case, nor do I expect it to be again any time soon. Still sorting things out on that end… And yet, here I am, starting to wonder with optimism and curiosity what it would be like to prepare to spend the rest of my life with one person. Every day.

I don’t know. Ever since I realized I wanted to act for a (sic) living, I accepted the fact that a traveling lifestyle (which I’ve enjoyed, and hope to experience again soon) didn’t leave a whole lot of room for romance, save the long-distance variety or the dating of a castmate. On the road? Dating a castmate would be a horrible idea. If things don’t work out, you’re stuck working with that person for the rest of the season. That’s it. Long distance was okay, I wasn’t crazy about it but I did give it my all. When the chance came for it.

Now I’m 24, I’m single, I’m not in any shows, and that bloody E-Harmony commercial for finding a mate is looking the tiniest bit tempting. Find a lifemate! Now! Woohoo! That’s about the time when I change the channel.

I don’t want to get married. I enjoy and appreciate the self-dependence. HOWEVER: I can easily entertain thoughts of a time when I might want to get married. And boy, does that give me pause. A world of pause.

Thoughts? Comments?